How's Life?

So seriously, how's it been? I know I haven't posted in a while, but at least I keep up every couple of months (*cough* JADE).

Anyway, life's been good.

You know, the one thing I've learned through this year is that you never realize how much something is dragging you down until you let go of it. I mean, there are moments when you're doing that "something", or with that "someone" that's dragging you down and you think about just giving up and letting go, but fear holds you back. Fear of the unknown and of the future without that thing/person.

In my case, it was my previous job. It was literally a shitty job that I wouldn't foist on my worst enemy. For one thing, it was really far. I literally spent a total of four hours travel time a day for it. And another thing, it was only me there and my manager/cook a.k.a. the biggest bitch in existence.
So I had to do the job of literally four people—the server, cashier, waitress, and kitchen help/dishwasher. And you know what? The first three jobs weren't so bad, but it was the fact that I also had to help her with her work. I know this is very biased, but in my opinion, she just wasn't a good manager. I remember one time, when I was helping her slice tomatoes, she told me it was too thick, I was giving the customer too much, and it would come out of my paycheck. Then, when I started cutting them thinner, she literally took them, asked me what the hell was this, that it was too thin and "would I buy that?" And then she threw them in the trash. There really was no pleasing her. I had to put up with so many derogatory statements, her superiority complex, her snarky comments about the owner and customers, her far-too-personal questions about my private life, and... it was just too much, especially for minimum wage. There is a saying, that I now know has a huge kernel of truth behind it: "Minimum wage requires minimum work." It's so true. I mean, why do more than you need to, when there's no chance of advancement or any sort of benefit at all to yourself?

The sad fact is, managers like these are common, especially in low-end places such as fast-food restaurants, or privately owned stores/restaurants where there's only like two or three people working there like slaves because they're not making enough business to hire more people.

You know, people say that if you love doing something, you should love doing it no matter what. But I think that's pure bullshit. Our likes and dislikes are greatly influenced by the people around us, and, if we dislike someone, chances are, we'll dislike the thing we usually do around them. Working in the food industry just made me hate cooking and working with food, especially because of the bad experience I had with it. But I was afraid to let go of that job, because looking for a job is a job in and of itself, besides no pay for at least a couple of weeks until I got back on my feet.

Another thing I have to confess is that I hate applying more than I hated that job. I just hated the dressing up and looking pretty to go out and get rejected by various managers just because you don't have the specific experience. And looking like a fool when the manager comes up to you after finishing some important task and tells you that they aren't hiring at the moment, while the other employees look at you with pity in the background. I just really don't like applying, so I was doubly afraid to let go of that job. But in the end, the decision was made for me when I got laid off because I wasn't doing well (no doubt she gossiped to the owner about me just as she gossiped to me about him).

And I'm better for it. My colour came back, and I was... happier, even though I was completely broke and in debt.

God, I made this post into one long sob session, didn't I? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to be so... melancholy. I just wanted to talk about how bad it was before talking about the good. Just to put it all in perspective.

So, yeah. Thank god that's done and over with. Now I can just put that horrible job behind me. I mean, I did learn some things, so I guess I can't say it was all bad, but... it just wasn't a good fit.

There are still moments when I have flashbacks and I think it was all me—that something's wrong with me and I'm really that stupid and slow and just not good enough, but... I know better. I know myself and my capabilities, and I know I'm better than that. Even though sometimes my heart doesn't believe it, my brain always does, thank god.

And this should be a lesson for everyone out there. Don't let anyone put you down, because you are better than that. No matter what.

(Lol, now I sound like one of those feel-good ads that people roll their eyes at, don't I?) The dog days are over people!

Why Would You DO THAT???

In my weary research for a good new urban fantasy series to read, I recently found one that was actually written pretty well. The protagonist wasn't a complete idiot, bumbling into things until the powerful alpha male had to come and rescue her all the time (which I had to torture myself into reading in my search for a good urban fantasy series)—although it was a bit cliché—newly turned vampire and the master of the house of vamps, incidentally also her sire. Then again, which paranormal series doesn't at least have a cliché or two? The trick, with good authors, is in making that cliché interesting enough to readers who have already read it.

Called the Chicagoland Vampires, it was a bit slow in the mystery department as the main protagonist also dealt with her newly changing life, and the side characters that involved themselves into her life. I really loved how Chloe Neill wrote them—they had dimension, depth, and their own interesting little side-stories (that were sometimes, to me, more interesting than the protagonist's—but that's just because I'm mainly a matchmaker at heart).

Predictably, I consumed the entire five books that were in the series (as of present) within a span of three days. Sometimes, when a series gets really interesting, I'm unable to do anything—eat, sleep, or work—until I finish it. Yes, I have an addictive personality. Yes, I'm working on fixing it. But I digress. This was one of the few series that actually consumed me so. And, God, it's been such a long time since I've found an interesting series that didn't become too much of the same thing (the only others I've found to be so are the Dresden Files, Kate Daniels, Cassandra Palmer and Dorina Bhasarab, Night Huntress, the Mercedes Thompson and Alpha & Omega series, the Fever series, and—usually, as I'm not much of a fan of Blaze of Memory—Psy/Changeling and Guild Hunter). Sherrilyn Kenyon disappointed me. Gena Showalter disappointed me. Jacquelyn Frank started to bore me. Christine Feehan—God, I don't even want to talk about her. I liked the Drake sisters... until it got progressively worse with each book. I even gave the Carpathians a chance. But the rape scene in one book was too much for me. I could've handled it if the antagonist, or the villain had done it. But it was the hero. Just because he couldn't help himself. The fact that she was condoning rape... No. Just no.
And... I've gotten off-track again. I seem to do that a lot when I rant.

Anyway, while reading this series, I was really rooting for the canon couple. Sure they seemed to have the typical clichéd tension-ridden breakup-up-and-back-together-again cycle of a relationship, but, you know what, the protagonist actually had some serious concerns over the realtionship—which made it serious. It wasn't simply the fact that she was stubborn and refused to commit over a stupid reason (which is surprisingly common in many novels—of all genres).

Yesterday—well, tonight, actually—I had nearly reached the ending of the fifth book when a twist just stopped my mind. I kept going over the words again and again while my thoughts screamed out a verbal, "NOOoooooo!!!" I just... I'm in shock. All I'm thinking is, "WHY?" I mean, this was completely unexpected because you can't just... do that! It's, like, taboo for authors. And it's just so random. It's like going up to a complete stranger and punching him/her in the face. Yes, Chloe Neill has just metaphorically punched her readers in the face.

Now I'm frustrated and confused, just in time for my summer school test this morning. And I'll probably stay frustrated and confused (and, dammit, still slightly hopeful that what I read actually didn't happen) until November, which is when the next book in the series will come out.

I fucking hate cliffhangers.