How's Life?

So seriously, how's it been? I know I haven't posted in a while, but at least I keep up every couple of months (*cough* JADE).

Anyway, life's been good.

You know, the one thing I've learned through this year is that you never realize how much something is dragging you down until you let go of it. I mean, there are moments when you're doing that "something", or with that "someone" that's dragging you down and you think about just giving up and letting go, but fear holds you back. Fear of the unknown and of the future without that thing/person.

In my case, it was my previous job. It was literally a shitty job that I wouldn't foist on my worst enemy. For one thing, it was really far. I literally spent a total of four hours travel time a day for it. And another thing, it was only me there and my manager/cook a.k.a. the biggest bitch in existence.
So I had to do the job of literally four people—the server, cashier, waitress, and kitchen help/dishwasher. And you know what? The first three jobs weren't so bad, but it was the fact that I also had to help her with her work. I know this is very biased, but in my opinion, she just wasn't a good manager. I remember one time, when I was helping her slice tomatoes, she told me it was too thick, I was giving the customer too much, and it would come out of my paycheck. Then, when I started cutting them thinner, she literally took them, asked me what the hell was this, that it was too thin and "would I buy that?" And then she threw them in the trash. There really was no pleasing her. I had to put up with so many derogatory statements, her superiority complex, her snarky comments about the owner and customers, her far-too-personal questions about my private life, and... it was just too much, especially for minimum wage. There is a saying, that I now know has a huge kernel of truth behind it: "Minimum wage requires minimum work." It's so true. I mean, why do more than you need to, when there's no chance of advancement or any sort of benefit at all to yourself?

The sad fact is, managers like these are common, especially in low-end places such as fast-food restaurants, or privately owned stores/restaurants where there's only like two or three people working there like slaves because they're not making enough business to hire more people.

You know, people say that if you love doing something, you should love doing it no matter what. But I think that's pure bullshit. Our likes and dislikes are greatly influenced by the people around us, and, if we dislike someone, chances are, we'll dislike the thing we usually do around them. Working in the food industry just made me hate cooking and working with food, especially because of the bad experience I had with it. But I was afraid to let go of that job, because looking for a job is a job in and of itself, besides no pay for at least a couple of weeks until I got back on my feet.

Another thing I have to confess is that I hate applying more than I hated that job. I just hated the dressing up and looking pretty to go out and get rejected by various managers just because you don't have the specific experience. And looking like a fool when the manager comes up to you after finishing some important task and tells you that they aren't hiring at the moment, while the other employees look at you with pity in the background. I just really don't like applying, so I was doubly afraid to let go of that job. But in the end, the decision was made for me when I got laid off because I wasn't doing well (no doubt she gossiped to the owner about me just as she gossiped to me about him).

And I'm better for it. My colour came back, and I was... happier, even though I was completely broke and in debt.

God, I made this post into one long sob session, didn't I? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to be so... melancholy. I just wanted to talk about how bad it was before talking about the good. Just to put it all in perspective.

So, yeah. Thank god that's done and over with. Now I can just put that horrible job behind me. I mean, I did learn some things, so I guess I can't say it was all bad, but... it just wasn't a good fit.

There are still moments when I have flashbacks and I think it was all me—that something's wrong with me and I'm really that stupid and slow and just not good enough, but... I know better. I know myself and my capabilities, and I know I'm better than that. Even though sometimes my heart doesn't believe it, my brain always does, thank god.

And this should be a lesson for everyone out there. Don't let anyone put you down, because you are better than that. No matter what.

(Lol, now I sound like one of those feel-good ads that people roll their eyes at, don't I?) The dog days are over people!

Oh Shite

I'm starting night school Calculus and night school Physics in February. And I still haven't finished my Independent online course.

I am so screwed.

So my schedule from February to June will be:

1. Get up at 6,
2. Go to work,
3. Finish at 2,
4. Go straight to my night school location,
5. Finish the homework in the two hours I have to spare,
6. Go to night school,
7. Finish at 10 pm,
8. Go home and sleep.
9. Rinse and repeat.

And, the funny thing is, I have Fridays and the weekend off for both work and night school. So four out of seven days a week, it'll be really hectic. And the three rest days will need to be used for my Independent learning course.
I'll either have an excellent established work ethic in June, or I'll crash and burn. And, considering my work history, I don't want to think about which is more likely.

But, hey, if I somehow manage to do well this semester, I'll probably be accepted at Waterloo for Chemical Engineering. And then I'll be able to move and live on campus, and party like crazy. While studying, of course.

On another topic, my birthday (my real one, not my legal one) is coming up soon. Yeah, you can tell from all the Valentine's Day displays shops and restaurants are putting up.
I'm so angry. I'll be nineteen in age, but not legally, so I still won't be able to go clubbing until November! I asked my mom if her relatives in our home country can send my real birth certificate here, but apparently everyone over there is just in it for themselves, and they don't do favours for nothing. The only thing I can do now is get a good fake ID, because there's no way in hell that I'm waiting another seven months until I'm able to go out, drink alcohol legally, and have fun with my friends (all the while being safe, of course).

So all I need to do is finish my Independent Learning course as soon as possible, get at least 90% on all my night school courses, not get fired from my day job, and figure out a way to get the most legit-looking fake ID. Easy-peasy.

Interviews Are Bullshit

The title says it all. Seriously.

Okay, so what happened was that about two weeks ago, I was applying for jobs on Kijiji (the fastest online method—at least you're not waiting two weeks wondering if they're going to call you), and I got a call right away after I applied to this food service ad (since I have experience from wonderland). So I answered and went to the interview the day after.
Honestly, I just bullshitted the entire thing. The manager was like, "So tell me about yourself." And I just said, "Well, I love to cook bullshit and experiment, and talking to people bullshit." And that's how the entire interview went. It was seriously so easy and I got the job right afterwords.
So that's the lesson for today, folks. Just exaggerate a bit (don't outright lie about your experience) while staying relevant to the position, and you'll get hired.
And, honestly, having a job is like the best thing EVAAARR. Well, not the actual job part of it, but the payday. I recently got around $200 for last week's work (yeah, I get paid weekly—isn't that awesome?), and I bought a metropass for next month. My very own first metropass! Finally, I don't have to borrow my brother's metropass, or ask my mom for tokens again! I also went out to an amazing restaurant that was cheap as shit, had a great atmosphere, was open 24 hours, and they filled the plate like crazy. Thank you, dine.to, for the recommendation. Then the next day, I just went to La Senza for their clearance sale and got some new bras. Man, I LOVE not having to rely on my mom to give me money, or go out shopping with her.
The independance, and confidence a job can give you is just awesome. Before working at Wonderland, I really wouldn't have been able to go up to a complete stranger and start up a conversation. But now I can, and it's really easy. I can now understand why most employers are hesitant to hire someone who's never had a job before, even if they're really qualified for it with volunteer experience and all that jazz.
The job part, though, that's a whole different topic. I've only been working for around two weeks (9-2, four days a week), so I'm still getting the hang of everything. And it's seriously too much work for minimum wage. They expect me to be a waitress, kitchen helper, cook helper, and cashier, all at once. The only other person there other than the manager (who usually never even shows up) is the cook, and I have to listen to her blather on and on about how she was doing it all herself before I came, and how I really should step up my game. Seriously? I'm doing the best I can, for minimum wage, so you can shove it.
Whatever. I don't care. I'm leaving in June (around the same time she is, actually—she's taking culinary night school and is going to work in a real restaurant soon), and working for Wonderland full-time in the summer. I hear they give you hours like crazy, and it's really easy. There's only three menu items in each booth that you need to serve. And everyone who works there is really young, since it's a seasonal job. So everyone's around my age (my supervisor's actually really hot, and he's sooo nice).
I can't wait to go back to Wonderland, and leave this crappy cafeteria. And then, after Wonderland, I think I'll move up and become a waitress. I don't know why people think being a waitress is like earning minimum wage. I would love to be one. I could meet hot guys, and be able to make so many tips, it'll be awesome.

Birthdays

Happy fake birthday to me!
My parents were immigrants, so they thought that it was a great idea to fake a birth certificate to make us a few months younger than we were (apparently, in their country, it's the younger people who get the better jobs). So, today, I'm legally 18. Even though I've been 18 since February 14. God, I seriously need to get my real birth certificate delivered here.
Yeah, I'm being bombarded with facebook messages of every "friend-of-a-friend" wishing me a happy birthday.
Unfortunately, I'm not getting an 18th birthday party. Isn't that just sad? For my real birthday, in February, it was because there was no time or money for a cake and present, let alone a party. My 17th birthday present was my party. Well, parties are expensive, so I can't blame anyone. I think I'm just going on a self-pity rampage today.
To think, that since I actually got a job (a temporary one, though, that ended in October) I could pay for a party myself. But no, I got bedbugs. And now I can't invite anyone over for at least three months after pest control comes over and exterminates the fuckers. Not to mention I have to vacuum and steam my clothes, bedsheets, and mattress everyday now (well, I actually do it once a week, but I'm the lazy one in the family).
Sigh. That's my rant for today.

Anyway, how about you, nonexistent reader? Read any good books lately? Please, please tell me good books to read. I'm bored out of my fucking mind here. I just dropped out of high school (not a big deal since I already graduated and was just repeating a year for marks) and now I'm stuck. At. Home. All. Day. With my family. I feel like tearing my hair out and running for the hills. Instead of getting a birthday present, I'm more likely to be kicked out if I don't have a full-time job two weeks from now, paying for my cell phone plan, and enrolled in an independent course to upgrade my pathetic marks. The latter isn't a problem. The first two are, since no one's fucking hiring! It's all part-time and seasonal temporary bullshit. I think I'm going to have to go for McDonald's. At least they'll give me hours. And I won't have to stay at home with my family. You have no idea how much of a plus that is. Just when I think living with them isn't so bad, I realize that I haven't actually been living with them, since their work schedules were so opposite my school schedule, we barely saw each other (except, of course, for my sister--but we ignored each other whenever we could). But now, I just want to fucking get out. God, I hope that when I get hired, my work schedule will be opposite theirs, 'cause I really don't want to see their faces when I come home from work.
And that's family for you.

Apathetic...

Oh, God, I've never really been good at these blog entries. You see my past posts, and the thing that pops up the most is "school," one of the most boring topics ever.

Anyway, I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. I've been feeling very... self-destructive lately--and I don't know why. I think stress causes my avoidance habits to rise, ever-increasing, which just makes it worse--until I just stop caring as a safety mechanism.
I've even been avoiding my friends... and I don't know why.
Before, hanging out with them was fun, and I loved the interaction, but now sometimes it's just a chore. There are times when that old feeling of fun and just belonging is back--such as today, at lunch. But I guess my memory is more inclined to remember the other times, when I just felt completely left out, unable to understand the topic what they were talking about, which happens a lot, considering the fact that I wasn't raised with Western culture. I only started immersing myself into it during the late elementary years, despite the fact that I lived in Canada for all of my life (minus three years).
I don't know why I feel like this--I know there will always be topics with which I have no familiarity with, and that my friends probably will.
I'm pretty sure this feeling will pass. Besides, it's only during actual lunch that it happens, which is strange, considering I hang out with my friends after lunch, as well, sometimes. For example, I went to a pool party last Friday and I had a great time--but not so much during Friday lunch. Maybe it's the school atmosphere that's getting to me.
Besides, unlike what my sister said, I don't think we're too polite and frigid with each other (all the while whispering behind each others' backs). We're just... not all that open. I mean, there are things I know I would never tell them (which is becoming less and less), and there are things I know I would never tell my family (but would probably tell my friends). Everyone has personal barriers, and I think we all respect that--nothing more, nothing less. I know when my friends shift the conversation away (sometimes very subtly--I don't know how they do it--do they even notice that they do it?) from something that's very personal--but I respect it, because I know they're not ready to reveal such things--may never be ready to.
It's probably just guilt that's driving me to avoid. Word of advice: Don't take a class with all your friends unless you're willing to come to that class everyday--or else you'll suffer a serious guilt trip, as well as some regret.

And, God, I don't want to mention all the assignments I have piling up on me that are due tomorrow. And one of them is a group assignment, which means I can't just avoid and ignore (my usual tactic--it hasn't been working all that well lately).
Guess I better go back to work now.

Bored...

I'm borrreeeddd....

I really don't want to start on packing, or all the homework that was due last week, so I think I'll just write (although I should be writing in my Writer's Craft journal--in which I'm a month behind).

Anyway... Things that have happened.

• Prom is this Friday (not today, next Friday)--and, guess what? I got my dress!! Finally!! And it's gorgeous. :D I'm so happy. (Psst... Don't tell anyone, but it was donated to the school, so I got it for free. Officially, it was extremely expensive, and I got it at a small boutique downtown.)
  
• A friend recently got back from what was supposed to be a long stay. I'm sad that it didn't work out, but I'm glad she's back. Hopefully, next time she travels, we'll be there and then we'll all have fun together (no matter how much in debt we may be from school).
• They started selling these gigantic ice cream drumsticks at Shopper's for only four dollars! Completely awesome. ♥
• So, I'm moving on the same day as Prom. That means that, while I'm getting my hair and makeup done, my family will be packing and moving all the big furniture, and then when I sleep over at a friend's house in the after-party, I'll have to bus and take two stations to my new place, instead of going back to my old one. A little weird, no?
• Starbucks and Pizza-Pizza have Wi-Fi! I'm starting to carry my PSP around everywhere now. Now, if only Timmies did, as well...
  
• I'm the only Programmer for my robotics group in computer engineering class. That means that I have to do all the coding (whether it'll be controlled by remote, or just autopilot) while the guys build the robot. Oh, and the other girl in my group's doing nothing. Just watching. I started subtly hinting that she actually WORK and she just brushed it off with a "No, it's fine. I think you guys all have it under control." Cue the mental rant.
  No, it's not fucking fine, bitch! Why don't you actually do some work around here? You see us working our asses off (I actually had to help build a bit--which I'm not supposed to do, as I'm the programmer) so why don't you get your lazy butt in gear, too? I mean, honestly. We also have to do a daily log. I hinted that why doesn't she do that, at least, and she came up with some bullshit that she couldn't log onto the online wiki. Well, fucking do something about that!
  *Deep breaths* Okay, I just needed to get that out of my system. I seriously don't know why she's not doing anything. She seemed like a very nice, studious person. And it's only in group work that I require people (including me) to do work, because it's not only your mark, it's everyone else's too. In individual work, I honestly don't give a shit. That's why I'm so behind on a lot of assignments. I really need to catch up.
• I recently signed up for this anti-plagiarizing community on LiveJournal, where everyone posts their stories, requiring that I not be a "silent reader" and actually critique at least two stories a month, or I'm kicked out. Yeah. I need to get started on that, too--if I can actually find a story that someone hasn't already reviewed, and gave all the points that I thought of.
• One thing I actually started on is this minimum 30k-word story that my friend drafted everyone for that's supposed to be finished by her birthday (this August). She thinks we can all be as good a writer as her, if we just try (wishful thinking, IMO--she's amazing). I started on the basic plot and character outline, and I think I may actually be able to complete at least 10k by August (fingers crossed--hopefully, she won't be too disappointed).
• Night school Advanced Functions is officially done! I just did my exam yesterday--and it was pretty easy, at least, compared to my day school exam that I completely failed. Now I just have to show up for the next two days (day one's exam review, where we look over our marks, and day two, we pick up our report card). That was my only exam for Semester 2. Now it's just summatives (year-end projects that replace exams).
  

I'm feeling very bipolar today. I think I'm PMSing. Two of my friends already got it, so I know they're going to give it to me, too. I keep hearing that people who are in constant contact with one another always get it around the same time. And it has happened before--a lot, actually. I remember one time when I got it a day after my friend, and then my sister got it a day after me.
The first day is always the worst--and when I feel the most effects. One minute I'm smiling at strangers, and another minute I'm bitching to my friends, irritated at the slightest things, and another minute, I feel so completely lethargic that I just fall asleep in class. Not to mention the fact that it fucking hurts like hell (imagine getting it during an exam--yeah, that'll definitely throw off your concentration).
At least, on the bright side, I won't have it during prom. :D