Yay, double post! Aren't you happy? I just feel so talkative today and optimistic. It's a good day, you hear? A good day. (Some may be confused by my vague reference to A Bit of Fry and Laurie—love that show).
So, this post will touch on various things that have been happening for the past month or so, because I know everyone wants to hear why I've been so dead in the past couple of months.
One thing I wanted to talk about was kissing. Yes, kissing. Despite still being a virgin—panic attack, oh god, I'm almost twenty and still a frickin virgin oh god oh god oh god—I've kissed a lot of guys... and some girls. In spite of the ads, I'd like to say that it's really nothing to talk about. I don't really like it much... at all, actually. It's just so disgustingly moist, you know? I don't feel anything except... wetness. At first, I thought maybe I was playing for the other team, but that can't be right if I still don't feel anything, and I check out more guys than girls. In fact, when I check out a girl, it's mostly at her clothes, and jewellery. (Speaking of which, this girl on the bus had this really nice steam-punkish kinda belt. I wanted to ask her where she got it from, but she got off the bus too soon. I wonder if I go downtown, a shop might be selling something like it?) So... I really don't think I'm gay. But, when I kiss guys too, I still don't feel anything. I guess I just don't like kissing. In fact, it's kind of disgusting and... wet.
I hope I still don't feel the same way in a year, or I'm probably going to be a virgin forever. And it won't be for lack of trying, sadly.
Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. Maybe picking up guys at 2am in nightclubs isn't the best way to do it? Maybe I need an emotional connection and all that bullshit? But that's just too much work, not too mention too much commitment, and I already have trouble balancing work, school, and my friends. I'm sorry, but a guy just isn't that important.
I'm really disappointed. I guess a part of me believed all those ads about sex and those romance novels and shit. Why can't I just be a guy? Then it wouldn't matter who I was doing it with—I'd still enjoy it. But nooo, I feel nothing, because, as a girl, I need more than that. Sigh. Fml.
And now onto life in general. So... it seems that I'm not going to university this year... because of one percent. One percent, and I couldn't get in. So now I need to improve my marks even more this year.
Man, I really wanted to go. And not really because of learning something new. More because of the guys. I mean, unless I go to a nightclub at 2am in the morning, there really is no place for me to meet guys, and those guys would probably be perverts looking for sex, no doubt. At uni, I would at least meet some normal guys that I could hook up with. Now I know why people go online. But I'm not that desperate yet.
So I guess I'll be spending another year updating marks and working. And maybe saving up to get braces and a laptop before going to university and being in more debt than ever. So I guess it's not all that bad.
Oh, did I forget to say, I'm working at Shoppers!! I love it there. My assistant managers are super-nice and everyone is just so nice and happy, and I really like it there. I got it through being placed from a government employment agency. But it ends in about a week or so (since it's only for the summer), so I'm doing my hardest to get hired directly after that. I'm coming in on my days off to get more cashier training, and my manager says that once I know everything, I'll get hired for sure, since I already know most stuff. It's awesome! And there's room for advancement and everything! And it's only a fifteen minute bus drive away from my home. I could probably walk there and get there in an hour. It'll be my first non-temporary job (the first one doesn't count since I
was planning on quitting once I found something better). I really like it there, and I really hope I get hired.
Fingers crossed and everything. 
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