Rant About a Book

Okay, so instead of studying like a good little student for my physics and calculus test this friday, I decided to read some contemporary romance (mostly because I've already read every urban fantasy book imaginable). Then I realized I had read Lisa Kleypas so much that I had actually memorized passages. So it was time to go on the internet and search for recommendations of authors like Lisa Kleypas.
One author that kept coming up was Susan Elizabeth Philips. Ugh. All I can say, now that I've tried reading one of her novels, is that I wish I could somehow transport inside the internet and STRANGLE the people who said she was ANYTHING like Lisa Kleypas.
So, deciding to read one of her books, I picked up a novel about this heroine who's a Physics Ph. D, and professor at Burberry who wanted to get a baby of her own (yeah, I know—the smart girl stereotype of wanting to be a housewife—as if society can't accept the fact that an intelligent woman will want to be independent), so she tricks a football player into getting her pregnant. Then he finds out, goes all ballistic about "his child being born a bastard" (excuse me, Ms. Philips, do you know what century this is??) so he demands they get married despite them hating each other and being miserable for... well basically until the last ten pages when they "magically" fall in love and live happily ever after. Yeah, I know the plot is really stupid, but it could have been at least a little bit believable. Also, before that, he threatens to sue her ass for full custody unless she marries him—so she, being the strong and smart physics professor... agrees meekly? Cue rant.
What.... I just can't... HOW does this make sense?? If it had been me writing the story, I would have made the heroine say, "Sure, try to sue my ass for full custody. We'll see how far you get. I'm the mother of this child. Every jury in this country will go on my side—plus I have a steady career, while you're just an old football player who won't last that much longer, the way you're aging." Instead, she acts scared and trapped, as if she's some fifth century woman, and basically agrees with everything he says, "because she was wrong in tricking him in the first place."
You know, I hate books like these, where the woman always has to be the humble, modest, and the truthful person in the relationship (oh, and let's not forget being completely virginal—or just having slept with one other person). I mean, why can't she be the bitch, for once?
Nooo, because it's the bitch who always gets her comeuppance, while the chauvinistic bastard can just keep carrying on with the 20-year-olds, and he'll just sound like he "needs someone permanent in his life."
Oh, and, by the way, I am twenty years old (well, very nearly) and the thought of having sex with some guy older than 30 physically disgusts me. But, for some reason, the old assholes don't seem to understand that, continually trying to hit on me in clubs. Like, honestly, what the fuck makes you think I'd do anything with you?? I feel like playing the song "Dinosaur" by Kesha whenever one comes nearby.
I mean, I can take someone ten years older than me. But no more. My night school teacher was really hot, and he was 29—which was ten years older than me, at the time (although most of my classmates thought he was around 26—guess I'm just attracted to younger-looking guys). Okay, I'm going off-topic here. Back to the point.
Yeah. So the male protagonist keeps going on about how she's "so old" (when he thinks she's twenty-eight—oh, and, by the way, he's 36). Then gets even angrier when he finds out she's actually 34.
Seriously?? Like, seriously?? He talks about how he likes women "when they're still fresh." Just so you know how much of a douchebag the male character is. And Ms. Philips wrote him that way!
I mean, I know Lisa Kleypas writes chauvinistic heroes as well, but they're just chauvinistic in the way that they need all the control, and they like taking care of the heroine. They don't complain about the age, intelligence, whatever, about the character. In fact, they encourage those characteristics. And since romance novels are just basically porn for female readers, I don't mind the male having the control. Okay, well, most of the time. No, some of the time. Well, if I trust them enough to that point (which might take around a decade of dating). But, whatever, that's my own trust issues. The point is, I can't EVER believe Susan Elizabeth Philips was compared to Lisa Kleypas (especially in her contemporary writings—in which the male characters are far less chauvinistic than in her historicals).
So, yeah. I feel a lot better now.
All that's left is to burn that half-rate excuse of a romance book.