The Night

Have you ever noticed?

The night has a beauty that the day can never have. I realized this as I was walking home. I mean, the sky was cloudy, but, as I looked up, the moon was glowing bright in the night. Perhaps it's merely the glow of the city lights that make me say this (city girl that I am), but, honestly, the darkness doesn't frighten me. It's beautiful and enchanting in its own way.

I mean, I've been to areas where there aren't any streetlights, and there's only the glow of the moon to help you navigate (no stars because of light pollution) and, although it is very intimidating and frightening, it's not because of the darkness. It's because of what the darkness causes. People are the real monsters, and the darkness is just a chance for their true selves to come out without fear of anyone recognizing them, and, consequently, without fear of punishment.

The darkness will always be there--it's a part of nature. But it's not bad, or evil. It simply is. And, in its own way, it has a very abstract type of beauty, with shades of grey here and there in my grainy vision and a far off light glowing intensely against the dark. When everything around you is in shades of dark blue or dark green, or pure unrelieved black, it creates a very fascinating environment.

I was recently in this area where all the streetlights were very far away, yet still managed to somewhat light up my path, and there were plants and tall grass going up as far as my shoulders. Naturally, I was on a mud path that had cleared up most of the plants in its way, and, as I looked around, it was awe-inspiring. There were so many different shades of darkness, and, honestly, for a second, I just stood there, looking around, before hightailing it out of there. I mean, seriously, there were plants taller than me. Who knew what kind of pervert could be hiding behind them?

Everyone has a fascination with the night, even though some wouldn't like to admit it. Why else are there such things as night clubs and bars? In the day, everyone just goes to work, and the night's when it's really time to have fun.
In my estimation, the day doesn't compare with the night. I imagine the day as this happy-go-lucky golden retriever puppy that's cute, and heartwarming, but not really all that interesting. The night, on the other hand, is this black jaguar that's beautiful and fascinating, but come into too often contact with it, can be deadly.

Maybe it's just me. My friends say I'm fascinated by the simplest of things, but how can I not be? To borrow Sarah McLachlan's phrase, everyday is an ordinary miracle.

When I was walking home today, I was scared, but I was also awed at the difference between the night and the day.
Despite how many friends I have, I'm not much of a social person. I don't naturally like to hang around a bunch of people all the time. My friends are a wholly different scenario. Even so, I like to have my share of "alone time," which, for me, is as necessary as breathing. What I like about the night is that it has a far less number of people walking around than in the daytime. I can simply do whatever I wish when I'm walking home, and no one will be there to complain. Usually, I just belt out (off-key) the lyrics of whatever song I'm listening to on my mp3 player.

That's what I love about the night.
Its beauty, its simplicity, and the fact that no one's there to make you feel embarrassed.

The Crappy Day

I know. We all get them. Today was just one of the worst. And it was all my fault. I don't know what happened to me today. I just... I don't know.

My friends called it a total breakdown. You know, just one of those things. I think I even went a little hysterical on them for a bit. Thankfully, chocolate slowed me down, even though it may have made me a teensy bit high-strung. You can always count on chocolate to save the day.

I confess, I skipped the entire day. First period, I stood up a friend and a group member who had to present the entire thing by herself, and the other two periods, I probably missed a lab or two (Murphy's Law, much?). I mean, I skipped physics!! I told myself I wasn't going to do that anymore, because skipping even one day of physics is like putting yourself so far behind the class even more than you already are. I should know where this path leads. I fucked up last year, and it was the first time I had to go to summer school--which was such a complete nightmare that I told myself I would never willingly go to summer school again.

My friends told me I had it coming. I mean, I have English, Chemistry, Physics, and Functions in one semester. I'm not Asian. Sometimes I need a break from all this shit. And today I just had to fuck up. Today, when I had a frickin' Functions Test (I once studied for one of them, and I got a 65%!) that I didn't even study for. I don't even know what the fuck the teacher was talking about this past week--how the hell was I going to even get a 30% on the frickin' test? At least, that was my justification when I skipped it. Now I just feel like I'm postponing my doom.

I should've prepared for this eventuality. I thought I could go Asian, and work hard this semester. What a laughable concept. I haven't worked hard since two years ago. I stopped caring two years ago. And now, what the hell am I going to do? Sometimes I just feel like giving up, and going for a repeat year. But if I don't work hard this year, how will I next year?

I've tried to make myself care. I really have. I've looked at people who've dropped out and are working part-time jobs now, and seen how miserable they are now, but... I don't care. I've seen those who work twelve-hour shifts just to scrape by, and I still just fuck up. I've even done a twelve-hour shift, standing the entire fucking time. Granted, it was only for a day, but I still can't bring myself to care. What's wrong with me??

It's funny. I do care, but not about school. I care that I don't care about school. Does that make sense?

Maybe tomorrow, I'll read all this as melodramatic bullshit, and get on with life. With physics. And math. And chemistry and english. Most of the time I just want to rip out the pages of the physics textbook and drop the husk in a nearby river. Maybe even make a hat or two (origami is awesome!). But, other times, very occasionally, I just want to cover it in bronze and stand it up, just because of the fact that I can understand so much now. The world is so cool from a mathematical perspective. Sometimes, I'm amazed I can understand it, and other times I'm so fucking frustrated at its twisted logic.

You know what, direct proportionality and inverse proportionality can go fuck themselves.

Heroines

Another one of my rants that just wouldn't let go. This time it's about romance novel heroines.

I swear, everytime I read a historical romance novel, I always wonder at the stupidity of the heroine. Most romance novels have the character format of "Alpha hero" and "Upstart heroine," in which the heroine is this self-sufficient female that "doesn't need" a male in her life. What bullshit.
As the novel progresses, the heroine degenerates into more and more of a child, even sometimes crawling into the hero's lap and crying for comfort. It seems that she can't do anything without the hero there to point out her mistakes and "help" her along the way. Seriously? I mean, seriously? What the hell happened to the "proud, self-sufficient, doesn't-need-a-male" woman that was there in the beginning of the book?
What, she can't even go to a stupid ball without the hero there to hold her hand?? It's as if she's this little puppy that follows the male around and asks for scraps and leftovers.
And then, when the cynical hero "rejects"/"tries to protect" (I hate that phrase) her by not including her in important events, or not telling the truth, or even cheating on her, she comes back for more. What the hell happened to your pride, woman?
Oh, I've heard the argument: "He's very sensitive, he can't let go of his past, he can't help it, he needs me..." No, what he needs is a good kick in the face for even doing that in the first place.

These types of "heroines" are even in chicklits and contemporary romances. In chicklits, we have your classic clumsy, can't-seem-to-do-anything-right heroine. What's up with that? Why can't the heroine be a bitch, for once? Or even an independant, career-driven woman that is actually smart. And, strangely enough, this clumsy heroine manages to attract the attention of some successful businessman. Just how unrealistic do you want to get? Why don't you throw in a couple of vampires, just in case it isn't stupid enough? I mean, the guy is smart, successful, and NICE. Obviously he could do a LOT better than some Ordinary Jane. Successful people are attracted to successful people. Who'd want to go for anything lower?
I would actually like to read a chicklit in which the woman is a successful entrepreneur, and the guy is just some ordinary carpenter, or something. At least it would be original. Only with Nora Roberts have I found such a story. Perhaps that's why I like her work so much, despite her... lack of detail in certain scenes. But I digress.

Another thing that bothers me is that most of these heroines turn out to be virgins. God, how I hate that word. In historical romances, I can accept it, because that was how it was at the time. But contemporary? It's not even close to realistic. Why the hell would a woman wait until she was thirty to find "the one"? Why the hell would she even fall in love with her first? Doesn't she want to experiment, explore sexual freedom, and all that jazz? Oh, sure, the first would be memorable, but not for the reasons they state. It would be memorable because of how painful it would have been!
They say, "Oh, I'm saving myself for the one." Don't they realize that their first time is going to scar their experience with "the one"? I mean, considering how painful it is, I'm surprised they want to subject themselves to that pain by their beloved.
The hymen is an annoyance. Nothing more. It impedes a woman's progress in exploring all that life has to give her and even makes it painful when she wants to break out of her shell. I bet if it didn't exist, our human history would have drastically changed and women would have recieved equal rights even sooner.
And what the hell is up with Slut? It's just such a stupid and sexist word that it defies civilized nature, and I do not like it. If a woman wants to go with more than one man, it's her right. Or if she wants to wear short-shorts, it's her right. Who is anyone to judge? It's the same with a hijab. If a woman doesn't want to wear clothes that show skin, it's her right. Of course, some may argue that the right was taken away from her, but how do you know? If you don't, then don't judge.

The one thing that really bugs me is that all the people who write those romance novels are women. I always wonder what the hell is going on in their minds half the time. Why would they subject their main character to such humiliations, in which they need a male to survive? Real life doesn't work like that. You can only depend on yourself, and no one else, no matter how many people may delude themselves into thinking the opposite.
I mean, even male authors give their female characters more power than female authors. I recently read a book in which the heroine was more physically strong than the male, who was the main character, and it was written by a man. If men like women in power, why don't women?

The most obvious example to this rant is Twilight. I won't mention it again.

What saved female romance authors in my mind is the evolution of the urban fantasy genre. At least in those books there were actual smart and savvy heroines, who could completely fight for themselves, and didn't need a male's help, even though they accepted help sometimes. Anita Blake was a series I especially liked, since here was a smart, dangerous, and promiscuous woman who knew what she was talking about. Even though it devolved into full-blown erotica, I still remember the earlier books as being one of the best.
I just hope, as time progresses, so will romance authors and their heroines.

Cliffhangers

Yes, I'm back. And here to talk about the BANE of my life. CLIFFHANGERS.
You know, every time I read a series that I really get into, it always ends in a cliffhanger. It's like there's this secret society with the best authors out there that blackmail other authors to end their most recent books in a cliffhanger. I'm going to follow one of my friend's example, and picture the scene:

"Oh, Rai, we love you!" The famous author shut the door against the screaming fans. With her back to it, her chest heaving, she frowned. She hadn't realized that her last book, The Billionare's Blackmailed Bride, would become so popular.

"So you're the famous author, Rai Tore."

Rai looked to the side of her, and saw a hooded figure covered in the darkness of the corner of the room. Who wore cloaks in the summer? "Um, obviously. I'm, like, famous and everything. It's totally awesome. Haven't you read any of my über-famous books? They're, like, totally awesome."

"...Riight... Anyway, I'm here to tell you to put in a cliffhanger for your next book... or else."

"Or else what?"

"Or else we, the Society of Super-Famous-Awesome-Totally-Cool authors will ruin you." Dun dun dunnnn....Without saying anything else, the figure faded back into the darkness, never to be seen again. Rai wished she could do that. With a sigh, she opened the door and turned back to her adoring fans, trying to wade through the crowd.

Okay, so I fail at humorous scenes. I may have overdone it. Maybe it's just not my style, even though I'd love to write a parody for once. Did you notice the Harlequin title? They're hilarious! I love to make fun of them.
Anyway, I just hate cliffhangers! It even happens in movies and shows now! What is with writers today? Can't they ever show closure in the show/movie/book? So what if the episode/movie/book was really good? It's the ending that makes a story!
I'm just griping about this because Jim Butcher's latest book, Changes, ended in a cliffhanger, all of Karen Marie Moning's Fever books end in cliffhangers (which just get to me, but I can't stop reading the most recent ones, cause they're so good), and now Supernatural's season finale (one of the reasons I hate season finales, even though they're usually the best episode in the season) ended in a cliffhanger!
Why do all of the good series/episodes/movies end in cliffhangers?
It's as if it's some sort of marketing campaign, to make sure people buy the next book that comes out almost instantly, or watch the new episode/movie almost instantly when it comes on.

Okay, now I'm done ranting. I just needed to get it out of my system. Thank god for blogs. You know what, now that summer's coming nearer, I'll probably be posting more now. Hopefully. Probably. Maybe.

Photoshop

God, I love Photoshop (even though I suck at it—art's not really my thing). I was just experimenting with a few brushes I downloaded off Deviantart (they're not mine—I give all the credit to the makers of the brushes) and I created this really weird image. I think it's kinda pretty, in a strange sort of way. A mixture of pink and blue... what could I do with this?
Anyway, it was just an experiment—one that sucked really badly, but whatever.
One of my favourite images that I made is this one (my siggy! :P):

But you don't have to say anything *wink*. Isn't it pretty, with all the stars and stuff... and faded corners? I really like the flourish to the left of the text. I think it was a nice touch, not what I usually do. I usually overdo it, but this time I tried to keep it simple. Maybe I went a little overboard with the stars, but whatever (and the stars and flourish are brushes I downloaded—not mine).

So, here it is. A beginner like me can even make random stuff like these with the help of photoshop. It's really a lot of fun. I'm not proclaiming to be an artist or anything, it's just that, with the help of a few brushes, filters, and fonts, you can practically make anything on photoshop.

Starcraft 2!!

I just went back to the Starcraft 2 site today, and I found the April Fools Joke Blizzard had put up. The Terra-Tron, who sounds a lot like Megatron. My favourite quotes that the Terra-Tron says is "We are more than meets the eye," or "Terratron, Terrorize!" Love that one.

Anyway, Starcraft is one of my most favourite video games ever! I've been playing it a lot since I was young. My favourite character is the villain in Starcraft: Brood War, Sarah Kerrigan. She used to be a psychic human who was taken in by the confederates (the government for the humans in the game) to be trained as an assasin, but she escaped and joined the rebel group The Sons of Korhol. Anyway, in one of the missions in the original Starcraft, Arcturus Mengsk, the leader of the rebel group, betrayed her and left her for dead as the evil alien Zerg creatures surrounded the planet. But, instead of killing her, they experimented on her and made her into one of them, an evil vengeance-driven zerg. After the Overmind (The leader of the Zerg) was destroyed, she used the rest of the heroes in the game to destroy the reincarnated baby Overmind and make her the leader of the zerg, making them unlikely allies. Then she turned back on them and killed half of the heroes in the game, and left the others to survive as a warning. She is who they made her into. That just goes to show... what goes around comes around.
Some of my favourite quotes are:

"Kerrigan:

Oh, come on, Arcturus. Did you really think that I would allow you to come into power again? You practically fed me to the Zerg on Tarsonis. You're directly responsible for the hell I've been through. Did you honestly think that I would let you get away with that?

Arcturus Mengsk:

But you said revenge was secondary to defeating the UED!

Kerrigan:

I lied. I liberated this planet because it was the UED's primary staging point, not because I was under any obligation to you. I used you to destroy the Psi Disrupter and now that I've got my broods back, you're no longer necessary for my plans. I think I'll leave you here, Arcturus, among the ashes of your precious Dominion. I want you to live to see me rise to power and I want you to always remember, in your most private moments, that it was you who let me loose in the first place."

And...

"Kerrigan:

You know, Admiral, I think I'll just massacre your remaining troops and watch you die in agony. How would that be?

Admiral DuGalle:

You vastly underestimate me, my dear.

Kerrigan:

I don't think so, Admiral. You see, at this point, I'm pretty much the Queen Bitch of the Universe. And not all of your little soldiers or space ships will stand in my way again."

And, also,

"Kerrigan:

Once again I stand atop the broken bodies of my enemies... Victorious but not unscarred. The Earth-borne Directorate has been destroyed. And the Overmind lies dead and trampled beneath the ashes of Char. As for my unlikely allies, I think that I shall allow them a reprieve. For in time I will seek to test their resolve, and their strengths. They will all be mine in the end, for I am the Queen of Blades. None shall ever dispute my rule again."

Starcraft is one of the best video games ever! My second favourite would probably be Prince of Persia, even though the fourth one is a little too easy, since there's barely any combinations for different attacks.

Hello Again

Okay, so maybe I didn't keep my promise about the whole "months" thing, but school had started again, and exams... and all that shit, so I didn't really have the time, but since this is like an online diary with vague references about me (since this is online—safety matters, even though everyone pretends to ignore the adults that come in every month for "internet safety" assemblies, with their laptops and powerpoint presentations), but more about my interests, I'm sure no one would mind (ha—not that there is anyone to mind).
So, now I'm starting up again, and I'm probably going to disappear for months again... it's like a pattern. Write a few posts in a matter of hours or days, and then disappear for months.
Anyway, guess what I'm here to talk about? That's right: Books!! Don't you love books? I know I do *grin*.

So, I finally got the next book in the Cassie Palmer Series—trampling over people isn't that bad a crime is it?—and now I'm here to share what I read with the world—without spoiling all of it, of course. So think of this as an enlightened experience (even though it really is just a typical review, but whatever).
In the beginning, we read about Cassie going back in time to get some help from the former Pythia, Agnes. But all Agnes says is to "trust her clairvoyant abilities," so that she doesn't mess up the future, by being able to see how the future would be if she changed it. Anyway, Cassie is assigned a body guard by the delectable Mircea, Marco, who I think isn't all that bad for a new character. Throughout the book she keeps getting these apocalyptic visions given to her by her power, but she doesn't know what's going to happen. Also, for part of the book, Pritkin and Cassie experience how it's like to be in each other's bodies :P. And that's all the spoilers I'm going to give you.
As usual with Karen Chance, and what I'm beginning to love about her, the book is a complete action-packed adventure. Cassie goes from one problem to the next with barely any rest in between, if any at all.