I can't believe I'm saying it...

... but I miss school.
Well, technically not really school, but lunch. Hanging out with my friends everyday—and I took it for granted.
I don't know what's bothering me this past week. I've survived summers before with barely seeing my friends. But now I'm just like... pining, or something. I don't know. It's just very embarrassing. I'm known for liking my alone-time, and here I am, wishing for company.
I think part of the reason is that I'm bored—and that I'm just not up-to-date on what's going on with everyone. I'm curious, and it feels weird to be out of the loop.
I know what you're thinking: Just pick up the phone and call. But what if they're busy or something? I can't just call. I need a reason—don't I? I'm very introverted that way—I usually don't like to start a conversation, but I'll join in something that's already started.
And my usual habit of avoiding and ignoring anything that makes me uncomfortable isn't working... again. It usually works so well, though. Usually, I just avoid and ignore until I deliberately forget about it—and then I'm fine. It didn't really work all that well in school, but, with emotions? Hell, yeah—it worked like a boss. :D

Admittedly, I've become a little less reserved than I used to be (once I learned that being quiet wouldn't get me anywhere)—but it was really difficult. Like having to present an assignment, and butterflies are dancing in your stomach—because you know that if you fuck up even a little bit, you're screwed. Having to go up to people and talk to them isn't my forte. In fact, I'd prefer not doing it at all. But where would that get me? In this society, it's all about connections and making a good first impression.

This leads me to my next point: An upcoming party. A former (WAY former) friend of mine invited me and about 60 other people to her 18th beach birthday bash. When I first saw the facebook invite, I was just like, what do I do? Let me give you some background info.
We were tight—like extremely tight—best friends in elementary school for six years (all the way from grade one to grade six).
I'll just call her S. She was my best friend and I was hers. We exchanged bracelets and necklaces and all that shit. The thing was, I didn't really like her all that much. But she always hung out with me, so I was like, why not? It's not like I had anyone else (I was pretty much a loner back then). There were a ton of things she said that I disagreed with, but she was fun to hang out with.
And then, in grade three, another girl came along (I'll call her M), and we became a trio. Well, it was more like me stuck in the middle of those two (who didn't really talk to each other in the beginning—but they got closer). I'm not saying I was popular. It was just basic school drama. Admittedly, I like M a lot better than S. But, two years later, M moved away, and S and I became close again.
After elementary school, though, we separated into different middle schools, and I deliberately began to slowly shut all ties with her (horrible, I know, but, at the time, I rationalized it away by thinking that part of my life was over now—and also avoiding and ignoring, as usual).
Anyway, M is also coming to the beach party, so I'm just like wondering how awkward it can get. Apparently, they still talk to each other, while I haven't talked to either of them in years.

But, you know what, I need to man up and start to face things, and this is the perfect time to do it (not to mention that it's a beach party). I'm just glad some of my current friends are coming, too. Otherwise it would probably alternate with me awkwardly trying to talk to M and S, or awkwardly trying to talk to a bunch of strangers.

God help me.