This semester, for me, is just one of the many changes that have happened since 2011.
It's the first ever semester I've had without math and the sciences. And, GOD, it feels like such a relief. Let me put it this way:
Last year, first semester, I had chemistry and biology. Second semester (the start of the shittiest year of my life), I had physics and math. Then, after I failed physics and barely passed math, I had to take physics AGAIN in summer school. Then I had it first semester, grade 12. A month had barely passed before I had it again, determined not to fail this time. Well, I didn't. I barely passed, with the skin of my teeth (whatever that expression means), and got a perfect 50.
It's just... It feels like it's been FOREVER since I haven't had physics in my life. Maybe that's why it just put me in such a depressing mood.
This semester, second semester, and the start of 2011, it's been SO refreshing, only having to worry about English and computer languages and hardware (which is so completely easy I usually never have homework).
And, I think this is a good omen. It means that 2011 will be a good year (provided I don't fuck up again).
But it's not just school. There's been a lot of changes happening between friends and family. I know a lot of families (including mine) are anxious to kick us out to live in dorms (or on the streets--for some, it really doesn't matter).
My friends have been deciding whether to stick around high school for another grueling year, doing co-op and extra courses, or repeating courses.
This isn't about school. It's about life. It's about how many changes happen to an eighteen-year-old, and how scary all of it is.
For me, I see university as this huge, dark, old brick-by-brick building looming over me, as I hear an evil cackle in the distance, and the skeleton of the trees shiver as thunder roars through the sky. Sorry, Writer's Craft is getting to me.
It's just very dark, and looming, and omnipresent. As if I can't escape its fate.
And this analogy isn't just for university. It can also be applied to my future relationship with my friends (what with all that's happening) and just life in general.
I hope it turns out to be the opposite. I hope University, and my future career (and my friends') and my relationship with my family (which has taken a huge trip spiraling downwards--perhaps because of my antsy feeling that I need to GET OUT) will turn out for the better.
With my family, I'm going to try and see if distance will better the relationship--which is the exact opposite for my friends. I know the distance between me and my friends won't better our relationship--but, perhaps, it may give us time to think and relax, without all the pressures that friendship requires. And then, when we're ready to talk, and read the letters that come pouring from all sorts of places (Windsor, Nigeria, Canada...), we may be able to improve the bond, and/or just reflect on it.
I hope this year gives us time to relax , reflect, and just... improve us in the end.
First off. LOVE the new title. Are you revamping your blog? If so, my advice? Keep the URL. So I'll be able to stalk--I mean, find you.
ReplyDeleteSo you officially crossed into 'long ass post' territory. My respect. This was a very nice post, Arlia. Even your representation of Uni. It's fucking scary not knowing what's going to happen, where you'll go...And all we CAN do at the moment is hope that it'll all work out. That, and work our asses off.
As for family, THAT we can't do anything about. They'll always be there. And even if they aren't...they're our families no matter how far away they are.
And if that's true for families, then I like to think it's the same with friends. No matter where we travel, we'll always remember each other. We'll always have the Internet. And I for one, could never forget you guys even if I tried. THG is forever. Maybe not literally, but as long as we remember, it will exist. Whether were in school, or in Nigeria, in Scotland, or in Windsor. We'll always BE there for each other. If not in body, then in writing.
Holy shit. Le Fluff is killing me. I'll stop now.
I like the new title too. I just... I don't think I rant as much as I reflect. C's more the ranting type.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to keep the design--I just didn't like the title or the caption, anymore.
But, yeah. This was one of the few posts where I just let it all out. And I like it, in the end.
I hate this uncertainty. It's just so annoying, and extremely scary.
I just hope no one forgets one another a few years from now. Like thinking, "Oh, I remember this girl. She was one of my best friends in high school."
Anyway, I'm determined not to fail again this time, no matter what. God, the disappointed look on C's face made me feel bad enough. I can handle my family looking like that, but... that's just scary.
we would never forget eachother, if we do I will personally go after whoever does the forgetting and beat some sense into them...literally
ReplyDelete-evil smile-
but honestley my dear i-get-high-on-peanutbutter-and-strawberry-flavoured-M&Ms- :D friend, i would NEVER be able to forget you (and you ranting). i tend to remember everyone who has made a difference in my life, good or bad. It would be like some sort of sin to forget you guys.
But yes university IS scary, its where open, free, cheerful young un's (ahahaha, sorry ive been dying to use that phrase since i read it), go to die a low and suffocating death. then when we are done we come out as robots doing what we had been programmed to do (and im sorry i know you love programming but you know what i mean;)
this comment is so long, its like amini blog post on its own...and know im commenting on my own comment...-shakes head-