I can't believe I'm saying it...

... but I miss school.
Well, technically not really school, but lunch. Hanging out with my friends everyday—and I took it for granted.
I don't know what's bothering me this past week. I've survived summers before with barely seeing my friends. But now I'm just like... pining, or something. I don't know. It's just very embarrassing. I'm known for liking my alone-time, and here I am, wishing for company.
I think part of the reason is that I'm bored—and that I'm just not up-to-date on what's going on with everyone. I'm curious, and it feels weird to be out of the loop.
I know what you're thinking: Just pick up the phone and call. But what if they're busy or something? I can't just call. I need a reason—don't I? I'm very introverted that way—I usually don't like to start a conversation, but I'll join in something that's already started.
And my usual habit of avoiding and ignoring anything that makes me uncomfortable isn't working... again. It usually works so well, though. Usually, I just avoid and ignore until I deliberately forget about it—and then I'm fine. It didn't really work all that well in school, but, with emotions? Hell, yeah—it worked like a boss. :D

Admittedly, I've become a little less reserved than I used to be (once I learned that being quiet wouldn't get me anywhere)—but it was really difficult. Like having to present an assignment, and butterflies are dancing in your stomach—because you know that if you fuck up even a little bit, you're screwed. Having to go up to people and talk to them isn't my forte. In fact, I'd prefer not doing it at all. But where would that get me? In this society, it's all about connections and making a good first impression.

This leads me to my next point: An upcoming party. A former (WAY former) friend of mine invited me and about 60 other people to her 18th beach birthday bash. When I first saw the facebook invite, I was just like, what do I do? Let me give you some background info.
We were tight—like extremely tight—best friends in elementary school for six years (all the way from grade one to grade six).
I'll just call her S. She was my best friend and I was hers. We exchanged bracelets and necklaces and all that shit. The thing was, I didn't really like her all that much. But she always hung out with me, so I was like, why not? It's not like I had anyone else (I was pretty much a loner back then). There were a ton of things she said that I disagreed with, but she was fun to hang out with.
And then, in grade three, another girl came along (I'll call her M), and we became a trio. Well, it was more like me stuck in the middle of those two (who didn't really talk to each other in the beginning—but they got closer). I'm not saying I was popular. It was just basic school drama. Admittedly, I like M a lot better than S. But, two years later, M moved away, and S and I became close again.
After elementary school, though, we separated into different middle schools, and I deliberately began to slowly shut all ties with her (horrible, I know, but, at the time, I rationalized it away by thinking that part of my life was over now—and also avoiding and ignoring, as usual).
Anyway, M is also coming to the beach party, so I'm just like wondering how awkward it can get. Apparently, they still talk to each other, while I haven't talked to either of them in years.

But, you know what, I need to man up and start to face things, and this is the perfect time to do it (not to mention that it's a beach party). I'm just glad some of my current friends are coming, too. Otherwise it would probably alternate with me awkwardly trying to talk to M and S, or awkwardly trying to talk to a bunch of strangers.

God help me.

On the Bright Side...

On the bright side, Ghost Story is coming out soon! :D I can't wait!!
I feel much more cheerful now that I've vented everything.

And... now I'm going to try to sleep.
G'night, folks! :D

Why Would You DO THAT???

In my weary research for a good new urban fantasy series to read, I recently found one that was actually written pretty well. The protagonist wasn't a complete idiot, bumbling into things until the powerful alpha male had to come and rescue her all the time (which I had to torture myself into reading in my search for a good urban fantasy series)—although it was a bit cliché—newly turned vampire and the master of the house of vamps, incidentally also her sire. Then again, which paranormal series doesn't at least have a cliché or two? The trick, with good authors, is in making that cliché interesting enough to readers who have already read it.

Called the Chicagoland Vampires, it was a bit slow in the mystery department as the main protagonist also dealt with her newly changing life, and the side characters that involved themselves into her life. I really loved how Chloe Neill wrote them—they had dimension, depth, and their own interesting little side-stories (that were sometimes, to me, more interesting than the protagonist's—but that's just because I'm mainly a matchmaker at heart).

Predictably, I consumed the entire five books that were in the series (as of present) within a span of three days. Sometimes, when a series gets really interesting, I'm unable to do anything—eat, sleep, or work—until I finish it. Yes, I have an addictive personality. Yes, I'm working on fixing it. But I digress. This was one of the few series that actually consumed me so. And, God, it's been such a long time since I've found an interesting series that didn't become too much of the same thing (the only others I've found to be so are the Dresden Files, Kate Daniels, Cassandra Palmer and Dorina Bhasarab, Night Huntress, the Mercedes Thompson and Alpha & Omega series, the Fever series, and—usually, as I'm not much of a fan of Blaze of Memory—Psy/Changeling and Guild Hunter). Sherrilyn Kenyon disappointed me. Gena Showalter disappointed me. Jacquelyn Frank started to bore me. Christine Feehan—God, I don't even want to talk about her. I liked the Drake sisters... until it got progressively worse with each book. I even gave the Carpathians a chance. But the rape scene in one book was too much for me. I could've handled it if the antagonist, or the villain had done it. But it was the hero. Just because he couldn't help himself. The fact that she was condoning rape... No. Just no.
And... I've gotten off-track again. I seem to do that a lot when I rant.

Anyway, while reading this series, I was really rooting for the canon couple. Sure they seemed to have the typical clichéd tension-ridden breakup-up-and-back-together-again cycle of a relationship, but, you know what, the protagonist actually had some serious concerns over the realtionship—which made it serious. It wasn't simply the fact that she was stubborn and refused to commit over a stupid reason (which is surprisingly common in many novels—of all genres).

Yesterday—well, tonight, actually—I had nearly reached the ending of the fifth book when a twist just stopped my mind. I kept going over the words again and again while my thoughts screamed out a verbal, "NOOoooooo!!!" I just... I'm in shock. All I'm thinking is, "WHY?" I mean, this was completely unexpected because you can't just... do that! It's, like, taboo for authors. And it's just so random. It's like going up to a complete stranger and punching him/her in the face. Yes, Chloe Neill has just metaphorically punched her readers in the face.

Now I'm frustrated and confused, just in time for my summer school test this morning. And I'll probably stay frustrated and confused (and, dammit, still slightly hopeful that what I read actually didn't happen) until November, which is when the next book in the series will come out.

I fucking hate cliffhangers.