... but I miss school.
Well, technically not really school, but lunch. Hanging out with my friends everyday—and I took it for granted.
I don't know what's bothering me this past week. I've survived summers before with barely seeing my friends. But now I'm just like... pining, or something. I don't know. It's just very embarrassing. I'm known for liking my alone-time, and here I am, wishing for company.
I think part of the reason is that I'm bored—and that I'm just not up-to-date on what's going on with everyone. I'm curious, and it feels weird to be out of the loop.
I know what you're thinking: Just pick up the phone and call. But what if they're busy or something? I can't just call. I need a reason—don't I? I'm very introverted that way—I usually don't like to start a conversation, but I'll join in something that's already started.
And my usual habit of avoiding and ignoring anything that makes me uncomfortable isn't working... again. It usually works so well, though. Usually, I just avoid and ignore until I deliberately forget about it—and then I'm fine. It didn't really work all that well in school, but, with emotions? Hell, yeah—it worked like a boss. :D
Admittedly, I've become a little less reserved than I used to be (once I learned that being quiet wouldn't get me anywhere)—but it was really difficult. Like having to present an assignment, and butterflies are dancing in your stomach—because you know that if you fuck up even a little bit, you're screwed. Having to go up to people and talk to them isn't my forte. In fact, I'd prefer not doing it at all. But where would that get me? In this society, it's all about connections and making a good first impression.
This leads me to my next point: An upcoming party. A former (WAY former) friend of mine invited me and about 60 other people to her 18th beach birthday bash. When I first saw the facebook invite, I was just like, what do I do? Let me give you some background info.
We were tight—like extremely tight—best friends in elementary school for six years (all the way from grade one to grade six).
I'll just call her S. She was my best friend and I was hers. We exchanged bracelets and necklaces and all that shit. The thing was, I didn't really like her all that much. But she always hung out with me, so I was like, why not? It's not like I had anyone else (I was pretty much a loner back then). There were a ton of things she said that I disagreed with, but she was fun to hang out with.
And then, in grade three, another girl came along (I'll call her M), and we became a trio. Well, it was more like me stuck in the middle of those two (who didn't really talk to each other in the beginning—but they got closer). I'm not saying I was popular. It was just basic school drama. Admittedly, I like M a lot better than S. But, two years later, M moved away, and S and I became close again.
After elementary school, though, we separated into different middle schools, and I deliberately began to slowly shut all ties with her (horrible, I know, but, at the time, I rationalized it away by thinking that part of my life was over now—and also avoiding and ignoring, as usual).
Anyway, M is also coming to the beach party, so I'm just like wondering how awkward it can get. Apparently, they still talk to each other, while I haven't talked to either of them in years.
But, you know what, I need to man up and start to face things, and this is the perfect time to do it (not to mention that it's a beach party). I'm just glad some of my current friends are coming, too. Otherwise it would probably alternate with me awkwardly trying to talk to M and S, or awkwardly trying to talk to a bunch of strangers.
God help me.
Friday, 15 July 2011
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
On the Bright Side...
On the bright side, Ghost Story is coming out soon! :D I can't wait!!
I feel much more cheerful now that I've vented everything.
And... now I'm going to try to sleep.
G'night, folks! :D
I feel much more cheerful now that I've vented everything.
And... now I'm going to try to sleep.
G'night, folks! :D
Why Would You DO THAT???
In my weary research for a good new urban fantasy series to read, I recently found one that was actually written pretty well. The protagonist wasn't a complete idiot, bumbling into things until the powerful alpha male had to come and rescue her all the time (which I had to torture myself into reading in my search for a good urban fantasy series)—although it was a bit cliché—newly turned vampire and the master of the house of vamps, incidentally also her sire. Then again, which paranormal series doesn't at least have a cliché or two? The trick, with good authors, is in making that cliché interesting enough to readers who have already read it.
Called the Chicagoland Vampires, it was a bit slow in the mystery department as the main protagonist also dealt with her newly changing life, and the side characters that involved themselves into her life. I really loved how Chloe Neill wrote them—they had dimension, depth, and their own interesting little side-stories (that were sometimes, to me, more interesting than the protagonist's—but that's just because I'm mainly a matchmaker at heart).
Predictably, I consumed the entire five books that were in the series (as of present) within a span of three days. Sometimes, when a series gets really interesting, I'm unable to do anything—eat, sleep, or work—until I finish it. Yes, I have an addictive personality. Yes, I'm working on fixing it. But I digress. This was one of the few series that actually consumed me so. And, God, it's been such a long time since I've found an interesting series that didn't become too much of the same thing (the only others I've found to be so are the Dresden Files, Kate Daniels, Cassandra Palmer and Dorina Bhasarab, Night Huntress, the Mercedes Thompson and Alpha & Omega series, the Fever series, and—usually, as I'm not much of a fan of Blaze of Memory—Psy/Changeling and Guild Hunter). Sherrilyn Kenyon disappointed me. Gena Showalter disappointed me. Jacquelyn Frank started to bore me. Christine Feehan—God, I don't even want to talk about her. I liked the Drake sisters... until it got progressively worse with each book. I even gave the Carpathians a chance. But the rape scene in one book was too much for me. I could've handled it if the antagonist, or the villain had done it. But it was the hero. Just because he couldn't help himself. The fact that she was condoning rape... No. Just no.
And... I've gotten off-track again. I seem to do that a lot when I rant.
Anyway, while reading this series, I was really rooting for the canon couple. Sure they seemed to have the typical clichéd tension-ridden breakup-up-and-back-together-again cycle of a relationship, but, you know what, the protagonist actually had some serious concerns over the realtionship—which made it serious. It wasn't simply the fact that she was stubborn and refused to commit over a stupid reason (which is surprisingly common in many novels—of all genres).
Yesterday—well, tonight, actually—I had nearly reached the ending of the fifth book when a twist just stopped my mind. I kept going over the words again and again while my thoughts screamed out a verbal, "NOOoooooo!!!" I just... I'm in shock. All I'm thinking is, "WHY?" I mean, this was completely unexpected because you can't just... do that! It's, like, taboo for authors. And it's just so random. It's like going up to a complete stranger and punching him/her in the face. Yes, Chloe Neill has just metaphorically punched her readers in the face.
Now I'm frustrated and confused, just in time for my summer school test this morning. And I'll probably stay frustrated and confused (and, dammit, still slightly hopeful that what I read actually didn't happen) until November, which is when the next book in the series will come out.
I fucking hate cliffhangers.
Called the Chicagoland Vampires, it was a bit slow in the mystery department as the main protagonist also dealt with her newly changing life, and the side characters that involved themselves into her life. I really loved how Chloe Neill wrote them—they had dimension, depth, and their own interesting little side-stories (that were sometimes, to me, more interesting than the protagonist's—but that's just because I'm mainly a matchmaker at heart).
Predictably, I consumed the entire five books that were in the series (as of present) within a span of three days. Sometimes, when a series gets really interesting, I'm unable to do anything—eat, sleep, or work—until I finish it. Yes, I have an addictive personality. Yes, I'm working on fixing it. But I digress. This was one of the few series that actually consumed me so. And, God, it's been such a long time since I've found an interesting series that didn't become too much of the same thing (the only others I've found to be so are the Dresden Files, Kate Daniels, Cassandra Palmer and Dorina Bhasarab, Night Huntress, the Mercedes Thompson and Alpha & Omega series, the Fever series, and—usually, as I'm not much of a fan of Blaze of Memory—Psy/Changeling and Guild Hunter). Sherrilyn Kenyon disappointed me. Gena Showalter disappointed me. Jacquelyn Frank started to bore me. Christine Feehan—God, I don't even want to talk about her. I liked the Drake sisters... until it got progressively worse with each book. I even gave the Carpathians a chance. But the rape scene in one book was too much for me. I could've handled it if the antagonist, or the villain had done it. But it was the hero. Just because he couldn't help himself. The fact that she was condoning rape... No. Just no.
And... I've gotten off-track again. I seem to do that a lot when I rant.
Anyway, while reading this series, I was really rooting for the canon couple. Sure they seemed to have the typical clichéd tension-ridden breakup-up-and-back-together-again cycle of a relationship, but, you know what, the protagonist actually had some serious concerns over the realtionship—which made it serious. It wasn't simply the fact that she was stubborn and refused to commit over a stupid reason (which is surprisingly common in many novels—of all genres).
Yesterday—well, tonight, actually—I had nearly reached the ending of the fifth book when a twist just stopped my mind. I kept going over the words again and again while my thoughts screamed out a verbal, "NOOoooooo!!!" I just... I'm in shock. All I'm thinking is, "WHY?" I mean, this was completely unexpected because you can't just... do that! It's, like, taboo for authors. And it's just so random. It's like going up to a complete stranger and punching him/her in the face. Yes, Chloe Neill has just metaphorically punched her readers in the face.
Now I'm frustrated and confused, just in time for my summer school test this morning. And I'll probably stay frustrated and confused (and, dammit, still slightly hopeful that what I read actually didn't happen) until November, which is when the next book in the series will come out.
I fucking hate cliffhangers.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Weird Shit Part 2
God, there are some really creepy weirdos out there.
But, you know what, I wanted to record these encounters for the sake of the hilarity, so here they are.
Just a few weeks ago, I was walking to Dollarama to pick up a few things, when this guy drove out of the gas station nearby, saw me, and called out, "Excuse me. Are you from [insert my home country]." I looked at him over my shoulder, and replied that I was. He looked like he was from the same place.
Then he got really creepy and asked for my name. I just looked at him, rolled my eyes, and walked away. Apparently, men from the country I lived in for less than three years of my life think it's alright to go up to a strange girl and ask for her personal info.
Honestly, how stupid do you think I am?
Then, the same day, I was walking in the outdoor mall near my school, when this guy wearing a turban walking the opposite way saw me, came up to me, and said, "You look troubled, sister," in a solemn tone.
I probably just looked at him with a "what the fuck?" expression.
And then he said something like, "You smile at the world, but not deep inside. You think of the many problems you have when you are unable to solve them. What is your name, sister?"
Stunned, I told him.
"Do not worry, Arlia. You have many burdens, but rejoice that you are here to worry for them." And then he nodded at me and walked away.
I think he also said a bunch of other stuff, but, for the life of me, I can't remember.
When I look back at this encounter, I laugh. It was just that weird.
But, anyway, that's it for now. One more encounter with dudes in cars and this weird, religious guy. Hm. Maybe it's the blue colors and jeans. Who knows?
But, you know what, I wanted to record these encounters for the sake of the hilarity, so here they are.
Just a few weeks ago, I was walking to Dollarama to pick up a few things, when this guy drove out of the gas station nearby, saw me, and called out, "Excuse me. Are you from [insert my home country]." I looked at him over my shoulder, and replied that I was. He looked like he was from the same place.
Then he got really creepy and asked for my name. I just looked at him, rolled my eyes, and walked away. Apparently, men from the country I lived in for less than three years of my life think it's alright to go up to a strange girl and ask for her personal info.
Honestly, how stupid do you think I am?
Then, the same day, I was walking in the outdoor mall near my school, when this guy wearing a turban walking the opposite way saw me, came up to me, and said, "You look troubled, sister," in a solemn tone.
I probably just looked at him with a "what the fuck?" expression.
And then he said something like, "You smile at the world, but not deep inside. You think of the many problems you have when you are unable to solve them. What is your name, sister?"
Stunned, I told him.
"Do not worry, Arlia. You have many burdens, but rejoice that you are here to worry for them." And then he nodded at me and walked away.
I think he also said a bunch of other stuff, but, for the life of me, I can't remember.
When I look back at this encounter, I laugh. It was just that weird.
But, anyway, that's it for now. One more encounter with dudes in cars and this weird, religious guy. Hm. Maybe it's the blue colors and jeans. Who knows?
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Fun in the Rain
Oh! I almost forgot to mention the freak thunderstorm today.
It was freaking crazy! I remember I was on the first bus headed for home when the lady beside me started talking to me randomly about this predicted thunderstorm that was going to come during the evening.
Then, I left the first bus and headed to the second bus stop when the girl beside me stooped and put her head above her hands. I personally thought she was going crazy until I saw what she was looking at: The sky. And it was fucking scary.
There was this huge, angry, grey cloud moving really fast above us, as thunder started to roll, and I could actually see the lightning headed for us. It was freaking awesome.
Luckily, the bus came just a second later, and we all hurried in, just as it started to pour. Like crazy. The windshield wipers on the front windows were moving at a speed I had never seen before as people exited the bus on various stops, covering the rain above their heads with an occasional umbrella, or their hands, and running as if their life depended on it. A huge tree-branch sat in the middle of the road.
Then came the freaky part.
Actual hail--either that, or really, incredibly fierce rain--started pounding on the windows so hard that the bus driver actually had to stop for a while, unable to see anything despite the windshield wipers working as hard as they could to clear the rain. And the lighting. Man, the lightning was something to see! I was just glad I was safe inside the bus while the wind and the rain caused a huge wreck of the trees on the way, and thunder roared in the sky.
Eventually, it calmed down enough that the bus driver was able to get us moving again, despite it still raining pretty heavily. I got off at my stop, and promptly ran home, sighting the lightning near the skies above me. There were trees on the way, but I avoided as much as I could. Then I got out the video camera and recorded the after-effects. My sister's room was flooded due to a leak in her window, but, by the time I came home, she had cleaned most of it up.
But, man, that storm was awesome. Reminded me of the time me and my friends got caught in a storm and, instead of going to each of our respective homes after a tiring shopping trip, we went to the closest place we could--our friend's home. I remember running to her condo in slippery wet platform sandals, while lightning flashed behind us.
Sigh. That was fun.
You gotta love the crazy moments. :D
It was freaking crazy! I remember I was on the first bus headed for home when the lady beside me started talking to me randomly about this predicted thunderstorm that was going to come during the evening.
Then, I left the first bus and headed to the second bus stop when the girl beside me stooped and put her head above her hands. I personally thought she was going crazy until I saw what she was looking at: The sky. And it was fucking scary.
There was this huge, angry, grey cloud moving really fast above us, as thunder started to roll, and I could actually see the lightning headed for us. It was freaking awesome.
Luckily, the bus came just a second later, and we all hurried in, just as it started to pour. Like crazy. The windshield wipers on the front windows were moving at a speed I had never seen before as people exited the bus on various stops, covering the rain above their heads with an occasional umbrella, or their hands, and running as if their life depended on it. A huge tree-branch sat in the middle of the road.
Then came the freaky part.
Actual hail--either that, or really, incredibly fierce rain--started pounding on the windows so hard that the bus driver actually had to stop for a while, unable to see anything despite the windshield wipers working as hard as they could to clear the rain. And the lighting. Man, the lightning was something to see! I was just glad I was safe inside the bus while the wind and the rain caused a huge wreck of the trees on the way, and thunder roared in the sky.
Eventually, it calmed down enough that the bus driver was able to get us moving again, despite it still raining pretty heavily. I got off at my stop, and promptly ran home, sighting the lightning near the skies above me. There were trees on the way, but I avoided as much as I could. Then I got out the video camera and recorded the after-effects. My sister's room was flooded due to a leak in her window, but, by the time I came home, she had cleaned most of it up.
But, man, that storm was awesome. Reminded me of the time me and my friends got caught in a storm and, instead of going to each of our respective homes after a tiring shopping trip, we went to the closest place we could--our friend's home. I remember running to her condo in slippery wet platform sandals, while lightning flashed behind us.
Sigh. That was fun.
You gotta love the crazy moments. :D
Apathetic...
Oh, God, I've never really been good at these blog entries. You see my past posts, and the thing that pops up the most is "school," one of the most boring topics ever.
Anyway, I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. I've been feeling very... self-destructive lately--and I don't know why. I think stress causes my avoidance habits to rise, ever-increasing, which just makes it worse--until I just stop caring as a safety mechanism.
I've even been avoiding my friends... and I don't know why.
Before, hanging out with them was fun, and I loved the interaction, but now sometimes it's just a chore. There are times when that old feeling of fun and just belonging is back--such as today, at lunch. But I guess my memory is more inclined to remember the other times, when I just felt completely left out, unable to understand the topic what they were talking about, which happens a lot, considering the fact that I wasn't raised with Western culture. I only started immersing myself into it during the late elementary years, despite the fact that I lived in Canada for all of my life (minus three years).
I don't know why I feel like this--I know there will always be topics with which I have no familiarity with, and that my friends probably will.
I'm pretty sure this feeling will pass. Besides, it's only during actual lunch that it happens, which is strange, considering I hang out with my friends after lunch, as well, sometimes. For example, I went to a pool party last Friday and I had a great time--but not so much during Friday lunch. Maybe it's the school atmosphere that's getting to me.
Besides, unlike what my sister said, I don't think we're too polite and frigid with each other (all the while whispering behind each others' backs). We're just... not all that open. I mean, there are things I know I would never tell them (which is becoming less and less), and there are things I know I would never tell my family (but would probably tell my friends). Everyone has personal barriers, and I think we all respect that--nothing more, nothing less. I know when my friends shift the conversation away (sometimes very subtly--I don't know how they do it--do they even notice that they do it?) from something that's very personal--but I respect it, because I know they're not ready to reveal such things--may never be ready to.
It's probably just guilt that's driving me to avoid. Word of advice: Don't take a class with all your friends unless you're willing to come to that class everyday--or else you'll suffer a serious guilt trip, as well as some regret.
And, God, I don't want to mention all the assignments I have piling up on me that are due tomorrow. And one of them is a group assignment, which means I can't just avoid and ignore (my usual tactic--it hasn't been working all that well lately).
Guess I better go back to work now.
Anyway, I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. I've been feeling very... self-destructive lately--and I don't know why. I think stress causes my avoidance habits to rise, ever-increasing, which just makes it worse--until I just stop caring as a safety mechanism.
I've even been avoiding my friends... and I don't know why.
Before, hanging out with them was fun, and I loved the interaction, but now sometimes it's just a chore. There are times when that old feeling of fun and just belonging is back--such as today, at lunch. But I guess my memory is more inclined to remember the other times, when I just felt completely left out, unable to understand the topic what they were talking about, which happens a lot, considering the fact that I wasn't raised with Western culture. I only started immersing myself into it during the late elementary years, despite the fact that I lived in Canada for all of my life (minus three years).
I don't know why I feel like this--I know there will always be topics with which I have no familiarity with, and that my friends probably will.
I'm pretty sure this feeling will pass. Besides, it's only during actual lunch that it happens, which is strange, considering I hang out with my friends after lunch, as well, sometimes. For example, I went to a pool party last Friday and I had a great time--but not so much during Friday lunch. Maybe it's the school atmosphere that's getting to me.
Besides, unlike what my sister said, I don't think we're too polite and frigid with each other (all the while whispering behind each others' backs). We're just... not all that open. I mean, there are things I know I would never tell them (which is becoming less and less), and there are things I know I would never tell my family (but would probably tell my friends). Everyone has personal barriers, and I think we all respect that--nothing more, nothing less. I know when my friends shift the conversation away (sometimes very subtly--I don't know how they do it--do they even notice that they do it?) from something that's very personal--but I respect it, because I know they're not ready to reveal such things--may never be ready to.
It's probably just guilt that's driving me to avoid. Word of advice: Don't take a class with all your friends unless you're willing to come to that class everyday--or else you'll suffer a serious guilt trip, as well as some regret.
And, God, I don't want to mention all the assignments I have piling up on me that are due tomorrow. And one of them is a group assignment, which means I can't just avoid and ignore (my usual tactic--it hasn't been working all that well lately).
Guess I better go back to work now.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
This Week
Oh, god, I'm totally stressing.
This week is going to be totally hectic, especially this Friday--which is PROM.
Tomorrow, I have to get a complete wax, wash my hair in preparation for my prom haircut, shave, and get my nails done. And stress. Like CRAZY. All the while biking over to my night school to pick up my report card, biking back, and then packing all my shit away in preparation of the moving truck that's gonna come while I'm out getting my hair done. Oh, and I also have to finish all the work that was due two weeks ago--but that's my own fault.
Then Prom Day comes. I'll have to wake up really early, bus to my haircut place (which is an hour away). Get my hair done, and then... I'm thinking.
I don't know if I should learn how to put on a hijab, because I'm probably going to go for something really fancy and I don't want people on the bus staring, while I go to either Sears, or The Bay, or MAC's, or Sephora, to get one of those free makeovers (if I don't do it myself), and then bus all the way to the hotel and get dressed (hopefully not ruining my haircut on the way). Then wait for the limo to take us to the prom place.
And it doesn't stop there.
AFTER Prom is really hectic, too. After the limo drops us back to the hotel--which is going to be around 1 am--I have to get all my shit ready to go over to my friend's house for a sleepover--basically chocolate ice cream and movies that involve Pirates and Robert Downey Junior (cause they're completely into him right now)--on the bus again.
And I don't know when I'm going to fit in the time to get the giant tub of chocolate ice cream and my sleepover gear over to her place. It'll probably have to be sometime before I go over to the hotel. But I really don't want to have to go here and there, ruining my (probably) $50 haircut.
And then I'll have to wake up pretty early, too, around nine, to get to the library in time for the book sale that starts at 10:30 am. After which I'll have to bus to my old place and wait with my sister while my mom gets ready to pick us up to go over to the new place, where we'll spend the entire day cleaning and unpacking.
Yup, this week's going to be anything BUT boring. And now I'm stressing again. >.<
This week is going to be totally hectic, especially this Friday--which is PROM.
Tomorrow, I have to get a complete wax, wash my hair in preparation for my prom haircut, shave, and get my nails done. And stress. Like CRAZY. All the while biking over to my night school to pick up my report card, biking back, and then packing all my shit away in preparation of the moving truck that's gonna come while I'm out getting my hair done. Oh, and I also have to finish all the work that was due two weeks ago--but that's my own fault.
Then Prom Day comes. I'll have to wake up really early, bus to my haircut place (which is an hour away). Get my hair done, and then... I'm thinking.
I don't know if I should learn how to put on a hijab, because I'm probably going to go for something really fancy and I don't want people on the bus staring, while I go to either Sears, or The Bay, or MAC's, or Sephora, to get one of those free makeovers (if I don't do it myself), and then bus all the way to the hotel and get dressed (hopefully not ruining my haircut on the way). Then wait for the limo to take us to the prom place.
And it doesn't stop there.
AFTER Prom is really hectic, too. After the limo drops us back to the hotel--which is going to be around 1 am--I have to get all my shit ready to go over to my friend's house for a sleepover--basically chocolate ice cream and movies that involve Pirates and Robert Downey Junior (cause they're completely into him right now)--on the bus again.
And I don't know when I'm going to fit in the time to get the giant tub of chocolate ice cream and my sleepover gear over to her place. It'll probably have to be sometime before I go over to the hotel. But I really don't want to have to go here and there, ruining my (probably) $50 haircut.
And then I'll have to wake up pretty early, too, around nine, to get to the library in time for the book sale that starts at 10:30 am. After which I'll have to bus to my old place and wait with my sister while my mom gets ready to pick us up to go over to the new place, where we'll spend the entire day cleaning and unpacking.
Yup, this week's going to be anything BUT boring. And now I'm stressing again. >.<
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